Overwhelmed in Motherhood? Real Postpartum Support for New Moms
Becoming a mother is often portrayed as a dreamy, joy-filled transformation. Social media feeds overflow with glowing moms, curated nurseries, and picture-perfect family moments. These images reflect a certain kind of truth—but not the whole truth.
For many women, the early weeks and months after giving birth can feel drastically different. The transition to motherhood often includes exhaustion, identity shifts, anxiety, and profound loneliness—feelings that are rarely reflected in online highlight reels.
If you’ve felt disconnected or overwhelmed in your postpartum experience, you're not alone—and you don’t have to stay silent. Let’s explore a new way to think about the transition to motherhood—one rooted in self-compassion, support, and honesty.
The Fantasy of Motherhood vs. the Messy, Beautiful Reality
From the moment pregnancy begins, women are surrounded by new motherhood wishes like:
"You'll feel an instant bond."
"Everything will come naturally."
"This will be the happiest time of your life."
While these hopes are often well-meaning, they create unrealistic expectations. In truth, many new mothers face sleepless nights, postpartum healing, and the steep learning curve of caring for a newborn—all while grappling with emotions they weren’t prepared for.
What Is Mom Guilt?
One of the most common emotional burdens for new mothers is mom guilt—that nagging feeling of not doing enough or not doing things “right.” Whether it’s how the baby is fed, feeling frustrated, or needing a break, guilt often creeps in fast.
If you’re wondering how to deal with mom guilt, the first step is understanding it’s nearly universal. A 2023 survey from Motherly found that 83% of moms report feeling guilt regularly, especially around meeting societal expectations and balancing responsibilities.
Mom guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you care deeply—and it’s possible to learn how to move through it with compassion rather than self-criticism. It also means that you are likely harboring a belief that you are responsible for things outside of your control and that it’s actually possible to do things “right” or “perfectly,” which it isn’t.
Isolation After Having a Baby: The Silent Struggle
Despite being physically surrounded by others—especially a newborn—many new mothers describe feeling lonely as a new mom. Social invitations might fade, partners may not fully understand, and attention often shifts entirely to the baby. Sleep schedules and fussiness can make it hard to leave the house with the baby and the company of a newborn may not be as stimulating and fulfilling as you’d imagined.
This can lead to emotional invisibility. You might miss adult conversation, feel distant from old friendships, or worry that expressing negative feelings will be judged.
A 2020 report from the Cigna U.S. Loneliness Index found that nearly 7 in 10 mothers report feeling lonely. Despite how widespread this is, few mothers speak openly about it, often due to shame or fear of judgment.
This isolation isn't just physical—it’s emotional. When your reality doesn't match the story you were sold, it can feel like you’re doing something wrong. But you're not.
Social Media and Motherhood: A Double-Edged Sword
Platforms like Instagram and TikTok can keep moms connected, but they often create distorted comparisons. For a first-time mom with anxiety, the constant stream of curated baby milestones and smiling family photos can deepen feelings of inadequacy. And the never-ending advice can disconnect mothers from trust in their own instincts and lead them to feel that there are “right” and “wrong” ways to do things, when there aren’t.
A recent study in JMIR Pediatrics and Parenting explored how digital media influences new mothers’ emotional wellbeing. It found that increased exposure to idealized portrayals of motherhood on social platforms was linked to higher rates of shame and depressive symptoms—especially among mothers trying to meet unrealistic expectations.
Setting Healthy Boundaries on Social Media
Protect your emotional space by setting intentional social media boundaries:
Curate your feed to follow accounts that share real, imperfect moments
Take breaks when scrolling makes you feel inadequate
Set daily time limits to avoid mindless comparison
Delete social media apps for periods of time to detox and take a break
Keep in mind that social media often showcases the glossed-over version of motherhood. And also that many creators are profiting off the idea that they have valuable insights and advice to share that you desperately need and will be in danger without. You’re likely comparing your hardest days to someone else’s carefully edited moments—and that’s not a fair comparison.
Losing Identity in Motherhood: Why It Happens and How to Reconnect
Many moms experience a deep loss of identity in motherhood, especially in the early postpartum months. You may go from a multidimensional person to someone who is seen almost exclusively as a caregiver. So much has changed so quickly- your appearance, your emotions, your routine, your relationships.
This is not just an emotional feeling—it’s a well-documented phenomenon. Psychologists describe this shift as part of matrescence, the complex transition of becoming a mother. It affects your brain, hormones, relationships, career, and self-concept. This is an enormous transformation on par with the emotional upheaval of puberty.
In a 2021 survey by Mother Honestly, nearly 70% of moms said they no longer recognized the person they were before motherhood.
You are still in there. And reclaiming parts of yourself is both possible and essential.
Postpartum Mental Health: Knowing When to Get Support
It’s crucial to distinguish between the “baby blues” and something more serious. While short-term emotional shifts are common, persistent sadness, anxiety, or numbness could point to postpartum depression or anxiety.
Fast Facts on Motherhood:
It’s important to know what’s normal—and what might signal something deeper. While as many as 80% of new moms experience the “baby blues” in the first couple of weeks postpartum, those feelings are usually short-lived (March of Dimes).
But when emotional heaviness lingers or worsens, it could be a sign of a more serious concern. According to the American Psychological Association, about 1 in 7 women will experience postpartum depression. And while depression gets most of the attention, postpartum anxiety is even more common—affecting up to 1 in 5 women, according to research from the National Institutes of Health (PMC).
These mental health challenges fall under the broader category of Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) and are more common than most people realize. PMADs are the most common complication of childbirth.
Signs You May Need Help:
Frequent crying or irritability
Feeling numb or disconnected
Racing thoughts, intrusive fears
Difficulty sleeping even when baby sleeps
Thoughts of self-harm or harm to the baby (seek help immediately)
Relationship Strain After Baby: You're Not the Only One
After birth, many couples experience tension. Roles shift. Sleep is scarce. Communication falters. Moms often report feeling emotionally or mentally alone—even when their partner is physically present.
This is normal, but it doesn’t have to be permanent.
Therapy for new moms can help you:
Reconnect with your own needs
Learn how to ask for support clearly
Work through resentment or guilt
Create more open dialogue with your partner
In some cases, couples therapy can also help navigate the strain of new parenthood—especially if one parent is carrying more of the emotional or physical load.
Where to Start: Therapy and Self-Compassion
If you're feeling lost, anxious, or depleted, here are a few paths forward:
1. Consider Seeing a Perinatal Mental Health Professional
Whether you're a first-time mom with anxiety, coping with isolation after having a baby, or simply feel overwhelmed, therapy can help you feel seen and supported.
At our practice, we offer therapy for overwhelmed mothers and support tailored to your stage of motherhood. This isn't just about solving problems—it's about rediscovering your wholeness. Remember that you are postpartum forever. So even if you no longer have a newborn and you feel you should be “adjusted” by now, you have still gone through a monumental transformation that likely needs to be processed and made sense of.
2. Start Small to Reconnect with You
Spend a few minutes doing something that lights you up:
Journaling without editing yourself- you can just do this in your phone or in an email to yourself.
Listening to music you loved pre-baby
Stepping outside with a cup of tea or coffee
Put baby in the carrier and take a walk while listening to a podcast or music
Take a bath
Tell a trusted friend how you are feeling.
Forget about sleeping when the baby sleeps and try to rest when the baby sleeps. This means taking pressure off yourself to “get things done” and letting yourself just sit or lay down and relax.
These tiny rituals can reconnect you to the version of you that still exists—and still matters.
3. Practice Fierce Self-Compassion
Replace inner criticism with gentle reminders:
“I’m doing my best.”
“It’s okay to have mixed feelings.”
“I’m not alone.”
“I’m struggling because what I am doing is incredibly hard.”
Self-compassion is a powerful antidote to shame, especially in a culture that expects moms to be everything to everyone.
You're Allowed to Struggle. You're Also Allowed to Get Help.
Motherhood doesn’t need to be defined by impossible ideals. If you're not bonding right away, if you feel overwhelmed, or if you miss your old life or worry that you made a mistake—that's okay. These feelings don’t make you a bad mother. They make you a real one.
If you're seeking a place to start, we offer multiple ways to support you:
Join our Postpartum Self-Exploration Workshop—a safe and nurturing space to reflect, reconnect with your identity, and build tools for this transformative season of life. It’s a guided space for healing and connection with others who truly understand.
Or, if you're looking for more personalized support, individual therapy can help you process your emotions, rebuild your sense of self, and navigate the complexities of new motherhood with compassion and clarity.
Reach out today to schedule a therapy session with someone who understands what this season really feels like. Let’s work together to rewrite the story of motherhood—on your terms.
